Faultless Bliss

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05/27/09--09:06: an old passion... (chan 2816865)

"Rag Doll"

i stare at you beside my bed
where you coldly lie
emotions were disclosed in your dreadful eyes
you epitomizes a deceiving serenity
gloomy sentiments.. lifeless beauty..

you reminds the fear of the unknown yesterday
screams of sadness that dauntlessly stay
worn out by time, you hide behind the curses
mercilessly, i burn you...
with memoirs of wretchedness..


~~my forever passion-- writing.. ;p



05/27/09--20:35: finding my way back to sanity.. (chan 2816865)

i've wasted all my childhood dreams staring at the sun... sonata arctica.

time to get up, aubrey! :D



05/27/09--20:53: An Unbreakable Bliss Rises Each Yearning (chan 2816865)

that makes A.U.B.R.E.Y.

wla lng ako magwa.. you should try this too pag wala kayong magawa. Pagtripan nyo pangalan nyo. Make something out of your name or whatsoever. haha!

Isa pa, combination of the color and fruit that would first pop out of your mind.

mine was: bloody red mango.

your middle name and your birth place, Cunanan Cabanatuan. haha!

your first pet's name and your dream phone: sustagenC903

BLAH BLAH.. nonsense. but it's eating time. lol. nakakapikon.



05/30/09--07:21: i heard somebody crying... (chan 2816865)

who could it be?
maybe it was an angel calling out "come see"
or it could have been the demon wandering across the sea.
i heard somebody crying
maybe it was me.

~~omg! aku pla! waha! well, am i the angel calling out or the demon wandering?
i am both. ;p

minsan "calling out" madalas "wandering". toinks.



06/04/09--09:38: you can still keep going after you can't.. (chan 2816865)

i was frustrated. surfing the net, my fingers typed "life lessons" thinking i was lacking something.

"Resultang 1 - 10 sa halos 20,500,000 para sa life lesson . (0.21 segundo)"

i spotted a subject. *click*

back, click, back, click, click, back, back

i still ended up at the results' page. nothing makes sense. who am i fooling anyway? thinking i can get something that will change every bloody circumstances at this point? considering that maybe one of these stupid blogs will whack the heck in me? i'm left with no reasons, no stand, no motives, no grounds.

so what's keeping me?

everything.

yes, these bloody circumstances, having no reasons, no stand and grounds, i love. with a lot of things, i learned a lot. with little things i learned much. what more with something i don't know anything about. what more can you learn about something you already know?

my reasons, my stand, my viewpoint and motives.the things why i can't stop. Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and ...


06/06/09--05:06: bawal n pala ngayon mawala sa mood?? (chan 2816865)

nakakainis lang. nakakapikon. nakakaiyak. nkakakulo ng dugo. pag sobrang pagod k n sa lahat ng bagay natural lang n makaramdam ka ng mga negative na pakiramdam. ang sakin lang, pag naiinis ka hindi maiiwasan na hindi magreflect sayo yon db? sa kilos mo tsaka sa salita. pero kailangan ba na pag ganito pakiramdam mo maging ganon na din yung attitude ng tao towards you? mahirap bang umintindi? ang sakit lang kase sa loob. wala na ngang nangyayaring tama makikisabay pa. dagdag problema. dagdag sa sakit ng loob. dagdag sa bigat ng pkiramdam.

nakakaiyak pero gusto kong matawa. where the hell did understanding go??

the world's gone mad. o dati na? pilit ko lang nilulunok lahat ng nangyayare? pilit ko lang sinasaksak sa sarili ko na ok pa ang lahat? kailangan ba sa lahat ng bagay na dadating sayo muka kang malakas? hindi ba ko pwedeng magmukang mahina? dahil ba ako nagbibigay ng lakas? sino naman magbibigay ng lakas sakin??

life was never fair. i'm not saying that it should be pero sana lang, g...


06/06/09--21:18: san hihingi ng patawad kung walang dalang dahilan? (chan 2816865)

Sa`n mapupulot ang pag-asa
may katuwiran ba ang sala
ngiti ko ang iyong galak
langit ko ang iyong kandungan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Sa`n hihingi ng patawad
kung walang dalang dahilan
tangis ko ang iyong pagluha
nais ko ang iyong kalayaan

tama bang aminin na nating may taning..........

-taning-

my all-time fave song. sobrang malaman. sobrang totoo.



06/06/09--21:47: you can't drag me down... (chan 2816865)

but if i wish to drag you down, then i would..


06/10/09--20:12: tama ka bera! (chan 2816865)

di ko din maintindihan kung bakit nageffort pa sila pabagalin ang multiply. ahaha!

nung una kong buksan, may notice. hala. kinabahan ako. buti nalang hindi notice of disconnection (meralco?). nung in-skip ko yung notice, napansin kong kakaiba na nga ang multiply. teka, *back*. naliligaw ako. akala ko nasa ibang site ako.

wait, ang OA.

hindi ko inakalang naliligaw ako. kunwari lang yon. hindi ko lang talaga kilala yung may mga bagong updates sa inbox ko. "friends of friends". bull shit. e wala naman akong pakialam sa kanila eh. kung meron man, e di sana ginawa ko na silang friends. nyaha. eto pa, hindi ko alam kung nasaan nila dinala yung dating "my site". at nakakapagtaka kung bakit nakasulat sa isang tab ang buong pangalan ko "aubrey flores". natatakot akong pindutin sa dalawang dahilan. una: baka hindi ako yung tinutukoy nila.. pangalawa: baka nandun lahat ng pagkatao ko, na kahit ako natatakot makita.

ahaha. waiter! pwede pakibalik yung dating multiply? thank you! tsaka paki dagdagan na...


06/18/09--00:03: he who is content with himself has done worthless work. achievement is the start of failure.. fame is the beginning of disgrace.. update-update leng! :D (chan 2816865)




06/18/09--00:04: sometimes it's better to stay in bed. but i disagree. be brave. be staunch. be upright. and try not to trip over your own feet. i hate that! ;p (chan 2816865)




06/20/09--09:32: magpakalango (chan 2816865)

sa problema.

di ko alam. wala akong alam. wala akong ginagawa para mangyari sakin 'tong mga bagay na 'to..

o kaya ba ganito dahil hindi ko alam? dahil wala akong alam at dahil wala akong ginagawa?

minsan mawawala ka sa sarili. pero di ibig sabihin no'n na hindi ka na babalik sa dati. minsan hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ako kung tao nga ba'ng gumagawa ng sarili nyang kapalaran o ang kapalaran ang gumagawa sa kanya. minsan pilit mong ginagawa ang lahat para umiwas sa hindi magandang kapalaran pero iba pa rin ang nangyayari.

ako ba'ng may kagagawan ng lahat ng 'to?

hindi ko alam.

ang alam ko, kahit kelan wala akong ginawa para gawing komplikado ang lahat.

pakshit.




06/21/09--21:37: you can't go forcing something if it's just not right. right? (chan 2816865)




06/27/09--09:25: point of no return. (chan 2816865)

Friday night, it all happened. this is no first time but i bet this  would be the last. i never learned. i couldn't see. i'm in denial. i kept believing notwhithstanding the twinge, pain and soreness. friday night it is.

Saturday. the day can be called as discomfort. throbbing. "hello" says adieu. here comes valediction.


it's over.












.



06/27/09--09:42: i won't be moved by too much. stubborn is my middle name. (chan 2816865)




07/05/09--21:21: i'll be back on the track. (chan 2816865)




07/06/09--22:37: I've made this whole world shine for you... (chan 2816865)

but you don't deserve every glow..

you're not worth every pain..

you've became my dream alas not.

twisted delusion you turned out to be.

you are my last reverie.




this is my final valediction.



07/21/09--20:04: ever been hurt so much that even though it's over and done every time it pops out of your head you instantly cry? I'm losing my sanity. (chan 2816865)




08/10/09--10:32: Love does kill (chan 2816865)

I cut his throat,
ripped his skin.
I smashed his face
and banged his head.
Shot his temple
and crushed his bones.

it feels so good to see you down and cold.



08/14/09--23:57: never ask. just believe. (chan 2816865)




08/21/09--13:46: http://www.sulit.com.ph/index.php/view+classifieds/id/1582113/SELLING+RAGNAROK+ACCOUNTS (chan 2816865)




09/04/09--20:20: Through hell or high waters, eh? (chan 2816865)

My face was burning hot and red. I was crying, so hard I am grasping for air. My head, I can feel it grows bigger and bigger like anytime it'll explode and my heart's pounding harder and harder as I beg for it to stop.

It's almost in the middle of the night, I was over the phone saying the same things. Begging for forgiveness, there's nothing much I can say for it was clearly my bloody mistake. Then he called it off and my mind goes blank. I suddenly can't hear things, I can't utter a word, my vision was wobbling and blurred by tears. It's like my head finally blew up and my heart was in my ears banging louder. I was out of control yet I am motionless. It's all over but the night became much longer than usual. How am I supposed to sleep?

I woke up 4am the next morning, still feeling miserable.. Somehow I managed to get some sleep but my head's aching. I let my eyes wander around the room and I saw my hanky, still cold from tears. It's not any nightmare. Everything that happen...


09/27/09--19:43: being beaten is often a temporary condition, giving up is what makes it permanent. [pray, pray, pray] (chan 2816865)




12/16/09--22:18: a dream that cuts through reality (chan 2816865)

I was walking along a street not very familiar to me. The weather is cold and frigid; trees are swaying with the numbing air. And there, just at the other end of the road, I saw her. The most amazing and loving woman I know. I felt happy and then there's a rush of sadness at the sight of her. I walked my way to her and I wrapped my cold hands around her left arm. She's so warm and I felt love. I missed her.. everything about her. How she cuddles me and smooch my chicks, how we dance in some crazy music in the morning and play games at night. I miss our everything under the sun conversation. I miss her cheerful voice saying 'nak, mahal kita no!'. Oh God I really miss her.

We walked together with stories and laughter.

As I near a black car that's taking me home, I felt a stabbing pain. I hugged her tight and for a moment, I can't talk. My throat thickens and I began to breathe heavily. There was silence which seemed to last forever. I started crying. In my dream, I never felt her. She ne...


01/09/10--19:49: too deep now to ever swim against the current... (chan 2816865)

so let me slip away..


06/14/10--11:03: maybe emptiness is really better than constant pain. (chan 2816865)

i wish.. i don't know what i wish. is finally letting this all go will be the best for us both? millions of questions have been keeping me up all night. maybe i'll just close my eyes. or should i stare blankly at the ceiling? or maybe i'll just burrow my face on my pillow. i wish i'll have answers. acceptance is painful. but somehow, sooner.. things will start falling into places. i wish no more. i hope no more. i'll let hurt pass. you'll be okay without me. you'll be happier in time with someone you believe you'll deserve. and then i'll be happy for you. :')

i have never imagined an ending for this commitment. i have pictured us both together, full of colors, old and contented.

maybe i'm not your happily ever after. maybe i'm not your last. maybe i was just the twist to finding your right one. maybe i just did served as a lesson. maybe i was here just to make you stronger and wiser. or maybe, just nothing, i just did passed by.

i love you like it was my first time. like i never felt towa...